The art of confessing love in Japan is known as Kokuhaku [告白] and in the case of inviting someone out or to date after confessing, the phrase Tsukiatte kudasai [付き合ってください] is used.
Previously, we talked about the different ways to say I love you in Japanese. In this article, we will discuss these two essential phrases that take you from declaring feelings to dating in the Japanese language.
Japanese people have a bit of difficulty when it comes to confessing their feelings. Most of the time, the biggest enemy is “shyness.” In Japan, it is not uncommon for girls to confess their love to boys, so this article is for everyone.
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Kokuhaku [告白] – Confessing your love in Japanese
Kokuhaku [告白] literally means “confession,” and it is done when a man or woman declares their love to another person, expecting to start dating that person soon after. The word can also mean acknowledgment and even confession.
The word Kokuhaku is composed of the ideogram [告] which means to reveal, tell, inform, and announce, along with the ideogram for the color white [白] which also conveys the idea of speaking and innocence. The essence of the word is not always romantic.
In the West, it is common for people to start dating without any declaration of love. However, Japanese people find it necessary to express their true feelings before starting a relationship. This does not mean that you need to confess to get a date.
You can befriend the person, hang out a bit with them, and finally gather the courage to confess. When that happens, and if you are reciprocated, you are officially dating.
A large part of Japanese dating involves friends who have spent a lot of time together. It is indeed difficult to confess to someone you do not know well, but it does not mean it is impossible.
Phrases to confess your love in Japanese
The most basic way to confess is to say:
- 好きです。付き合ってください。
- すきです。つきあってください。
- Sukidesu. Tsukiattekudasai;
- I love you, can we start dating?
This expression is quite informal; of course, you won’t just say that. You can say something more complete like anata no koto ga dai suki desu [あなたのことが大好きです]. This expression includes pronouns and the expression koto [事].
The koto in the phrase enhances the power of the declaration, saying something like: “I love everything about you.” This expression makes it clear that you love the person deeply in a romantic way, showing a genuine love that focuses on the person’s qualities and inner self.
Some adults declare their feelings by saying:
- 結婚を前提にお付き合いさせてください
- kekkon o zentei ni otsukiai sasetekudasai
This means: “I would like to have a relationship with you, with the aim of eventual marriage.” Many consider it a waste of time to date someone without planning for marriage. Don’t even think about saying this to strangers!
If the person rejects your feelings or refuses to go out or date you, it clearly means you have been turned down. To be turned down in Japanese is furareru [振られる], which literally means they turned you down… Sometimes a person may take time to respond to your feelings; they may be thinking it over. Prepare yourself for the furareru.
Tsukiatte kudasai [付き合ってください] – Requesting to Date in Japanese
The expression tsukiatte kudasai [付き合ってください] is a request to date. Notice that along with the expression kudasai it refers to a request, a please, do you want to date me? Or do you want to go out with me?
The verb tsukiau [付き合う] not only means to date but also conveys the idea of socializing, associating, keeping company, being serious with, continuing with, accompanying, committing to, and similar things. It is a very broad word.
It is important to be careful with the verb “tsukiau“. While the broad definition is “to socialize,” the meaning changes significantly depending on the context. The main meaning is “to accompany someone somewhere,” without any romantic involvement.
Saying tsukiatte kudasai without expressing your feelings may end up sounding like going on a date or hanging out together without romantic involvement or as a test.
The verb tsukiau is also used to indicate that two people are dating or going out. Here are some example sentences:
- あの二人,付き合ってるでしょう.
- futari ano, tsukiatteru deshou
- Those two? I think they are a couple.
- つきあっている人がいますか？
- tsuki atte iru hito ga imasu ka
- Are you dating someone?
The verb tsukiau can also be used for other things beyond relationships. For example, you can use the verb to express that you are saving, enduring, and similar things.
Deeto [デ ー ト] – Going on a date in Japanese
Another way to talk about dating in Japanese would be through the word deeto [デ ー ト] which derives from the English word “date.” This word can refer to both a date and a relationship, similar to the word tsukiatte.
You may wonder if there is a difference between “deeto” and “tsukiau“. Well, deeto would be used for some casual outings with someone, while “tsukiau” implies a deeper relationship with that person.
The word was first introduced into the Japanese language in the late 19th century and became popular among middle-class young people during the 20th century. It was used to express the day and time when a man and a woman decide to meet.
The introduction of American dating culture was a cultural shock, as previously, Japanese people did not go out casually, but always with the mindset of marriage. Here are some interesting phrases below:
- デートする
- deeto suru
- to go on a date
- デートに行ってくれますか？
- deeto no itte kuremasen ka
- Do you want to go on a date?
- 付き合うまで何回デートする？
- tsukiau made nan kai deeto suru?
- How many dates before a relationship?
Japanese people declaring their love
It takes a lot of courage to declare your love; Japanese people are not good at it either. According to a survey conducted on “Kokuhaku” by Unilever in 2011, of the 300 people interviewed, 79% could not confess their love because they do not know what the other person thinks of them or because they lack self-confidence. I think most are afraid of being furareru.
Most agreed that they would confess their love if they were fully certain it would be accepted. Of those who declared their love, only 21% regretted it. Meanwhile, 52% regretted not confessing their love.
Another problem among Japanese people is that most of them confess in unexpected ways, even scaring women. There are many reports of girls who received a confession from people they have never talked to or even never seen in their lives.
Be careful not to make some mistakes when confessing. There are some rules you can keep in mind before confessing your love:
- Never confess via text.
- Never reveal too many things you know about the other person. This can scare them.
- Avoid making a public confession.
- If you are a stranger and do not know the person, do not give flowers.
Below we have some videos of some Japanese people who made their Kokuhaku in public:
I don’t know if it was clear, but it doesn’t matter if you are a man or a woman; if you like someone, make the Kokuhaku. Thank you for reading our article, I hope you enjoyed it, and I appreciate all the comments and shares.
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